


About my sorrow

by Kessie



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-22
Updated: 2013-02-22
Packaged: 2017-12-03 06:48:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/695402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kessie/pseuds/Kessie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maes and Roy in Ishbal</p>
            </blockquote>





	About my sorrow

  
**About My Sorrow**

**By Kessie**

Disclaimer - not mine, all characters belong to Hiromu Arakawa etc, Square Enix and funimition and they simply wont shut up lately -- I'm sorry.  
Pairing: Maes/Roy  
Rating: NC17  
Summary: Maes and Roy in Ishbal  
Length: 1675  
Author’s Note #1 - **This is unbetaed so read on your own risk.  
Hope there aren't too many mistakes….**

**Song: Negative - About My Sorrow**

**Listen here<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmI0lv3ftM4>**

**Or live :<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxkT3kn2voM>**

**written for the OT4 Birthday Challenge of the fma_ot4 livejournal community ages ago**    
 __  
From chains to freedom,  
from hate to love  
one by one.  
Slowly crying  
spreading tears,  
love`s starving,  
you need forgiveness  
for mortal sins  
everything`s blackened  
from light to darkness  
you will survive,  
still go on,  
you won`t be alone.

It had been a rough day. Maes still could smell the tang of burned ash in the air, which consisted of all kinds of dead materials the city of Ishbal had to offer and of other things he´d rather not think about.

Warily he eyed his surroundings for a small sign of Roy. He knew his friend had taken the new attack particular hard again, since he had been one of the soldiers leading it. He also knew that they had no other choice then to continue, even though Roy and he himself would have rather gone home and left all this cruelty behind. But again they had done what the higher ups told them to. Had murdered, hurt and destroyed without blinking an eye or so it seemed and it bugged him to no end. But even more, he knew, it would bug Roy much worse. Much much worse …

And because of that he had to find him….

Walking around the med tent he let his eyes fall onto the ground for a second, shuddering when he saw a pool of blood not too far from him. General Livingston had died on this very place, not too long ago and he felt himself reminded again, even though he had hardly known the man. Of course he knew that Roy was very capable of defending himself, but he often feared his friend would end up like that as well. Being killed in a battle, fighting the “good” fight for the country. Becoming a hero, but in truth, just ending up as another lost soul.

Shuddering, he shook off the bad thoughts and walked further and caught the sight of a grinning Kimbley, which made him shudder once more. Avoiding the man at all costs he turned around at once and walked over to the other side of the camp, intending to go to Roy´s tent first.  
It wasn’t that likely that his friend would be here, with Kimbley´s and the other alchemists tents quite nearby, but one never knew. It would be night soon anyway and some of the soldiers were sleeping in their tents already.  
Carefully loking around for another time he entered Roy´s tent and was surprised when he saw someone lying on the cot, covered by a blanket.  
“Go away!” Roy mumbled more or less harsh and Maes sighed before he sat down next to him on the floor.

__  
Lay down with me, for tomorrow I will be waiting.  
Lay down with me, maybe tomorrow love won`t be waiting. 

 

“Roy, its me!” He said carefully and tried to look under the blanket but Roy was faster this time and rolled himself away from him, facing the other side of the tent now.  
“I said, go away!” He repeated once again but Maes just shook his head.  
“No, I wont and you know that. Come on Roy, talk to me!”  
What he received was some incoherent mumbling but Maes wouldn’t give up so easily. Cautiously he lowered himself onto the cot and took Roy into his arms as good as this was possible.  
Roy tensed immediately and tried to get away but Maes just tightened his hold.  
“Maes, what the hell..? This is dangerous… what if somebody comes in…?”  
Maes just shook his head and silenced Roy, who had now turned towards him, with a kiss.  
“I don’t care you need me now.” Maes responded when they both needed air again and gave his friend a peck on the cheek. “And I need you as well you know?”  
Roy just let out a deep breath but then seemed to succumb and leaned against Maes neck. They stayed like this for a while, just enjoying the feel of each other before Roy spoke again.

“Maes, I cant do this anymore. I …”

“Yeah. I know I feel the same.”

Roy shook his head and then turned his head away, not daring to look at his friend anymore.

“No, I meant if I have to snap my fingers just one more time I´m going to scream. I don’t want to do this anymore and if that means I would have to…” He stopped unsure how to explain, but Maes understood. Just like he always did.

“No. You are not letting me alone here. That’s not fair Roy.”

“So what? I´m just a killer, nothing more. A monster. You are much better off without me!”

Maes tightened the hold on his friend once again, afraid of what Roy was implying. He knew his friend had been close to snapping for some time now but he never had said anything so direct like this. Inside his heart started to pound due the cold fear which was sweeping up to him, but he couldn’t show this to Roy.

“Roy, you are not a monster…”

But his friend just shook his head and tried to push him off the cot.  
”Of course I am. You saw what I did today, didn’t you? The so called secret weaponary I was supposed to destroy, it was a school Maes.” He was shouting now. “ A school. I destroyed a school, with the kids in it. Now tell me how am I no monster?”

“Roy, you were over 100 meters away and the Ishbalans were shooting at you, you couldn’t have known.”

But Roy wouldn’t listen. “Pffft. I should have known Maes. I really should have. I have killed way too many innocent people already and if I don’t stop its not going to stop… ever…”

Jumping up, he wanted to run away, but Maes caught him in and dragged him back onto the cot.

Once there, Maes pinned down the other man effectively and, without giving much thoughts to his protests, silenced him with a kiss.

Roy tensed at first, but then let himself fall and only stopped when they needed to breath again.

“You´re crazy!” was all the black haired man could say, before he was once again caught in a fiery kiss.

“ So what? Its not like you don’t like me to be.” Maes responded once they had seperated and let his fingers wander under the jacket of Roy´s uniform.

Roy gasped when Maes found one of his nipples and was about to let himself fall into oblivion when he suddenly remembered where they were.

“Maes, stop, we cant does this! What if someone…” But the other man once again wouldn’t give up and so he felt Maes´ lips on his.

“Well, Roy hun, we have to go for Safe sex then.” Maes teased and Roy couldn’t surpress a small chuckle. Safe sex, that was a term they developed for groping and touching, where everything was allowed, but for safety they would leave the uniforms on. Now if someone were to enter the tent and would announce himself from the outside with a greeting to Roy, they wouldn’t have the problem of trying to redress in a matter of seconds. And thanks to the heavens, due to Roy´s status, nearly everyone had the decency to announce themselves to Roy, before barging in. Except for, well… maybe Kimbley.

However Roy was soon forgetting soldiers close to his tent or everything else in the world. Maes hands seemed to be everywhere: touching, stroking, teasing and his whole body was burning like a flame. He felt like flying, flaoting on air, before he came hard over Maes´s hand between their bodies.

“Look what mess you made.” Maes teased, when his hand came back from Roy´s pants and Roy only managed to stick out his tongue at him for a mere second, before watching transfixed how Maes started to lick the sticky substance from his hand.

Maes however couldn’t hide the smug grin. “ Feeling better now?” he inquired and Roy only nodded, leaning in for another long kiss…

They talked a while about this and that, about family and home, when Maes got up, intending to go back to his tent before anyone of the other soldiers could miss him. Roy however wasn’t so fond of the idea.

“Cant you stay?” He pleaded and looked at his friend with big eyes. “Kimbley has night duty today, so theres no danger of him barging in.” he reassured Maes, who let out a sigh and then nodded.

“Okay, I doubt the guys are going to miss me anyway.”

Maes had to share his tent with three other soldiers and didn’t have the luxury of an own tent like Roy. But due to the fact that his three tentmates where new anyway and therefore probably had no idea if he was on night duty or not, it wouldn’t be so bad.

“ I´ll simply have to leave at dawn again.” Maes reminded more himself than Roy and quietly crept onto the cot, settling down in his friend´s arms.

__  
When your heart is  
empty and consolation  
is all you need,  
your heart is surrounded  
with a broken shield,  
no consolation  
no bitter tears.

One last forgiveness,  
one last temptation  
you`re all I need,  
from light to darkness  
from hate to love,  
that`s what we are.

Lay down with me, for tomorrow I will be waiting.  
Lay down with me, maybe tomorrow love won`t be waiting.

 

He kissed the sleeping Roy one last time, before he began to dress. It would be morning soon and they couldn’t find him here. Fraternization was still forbidden and neither he or Roy wanted to end up in prison for their love.

Quietly slipping from the tent Maes eyed the rising sun for a second. It wouldn’t take long and they would have to fight again. It would be dreadful, gruesome and even worse than they both could think and have nightmares about, he knew that. But still he wouldn’t give up.

Not as long as he had Roy.

End 


End file.
